


Just for a drunken kiss and a piss

by CamilleDuDemon



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Crack, Drunk Kylo Ren, Drunken Kissing, Hux is so damn done, Love Confessions, Love/Hate, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-25
Updated: 2016-03-25
Packaged: 2018-05-29 00:25:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6351511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CamilleDuDemon/pseuds/CamilleDuDemon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Fuck, Hux, I need to pee.”<br/>The general gritted his teeth.<br/>“I don't give a damn, Ren. You're not pissing in my bathroom.”<br/>“Just relax! I may have had one too many drinks, but I still know how to flush the toilet!”<br/>“Don't you dare---!”<br/>Too late.<br/>Kylo Ren was already unzipping his pants (he was having a hard time, given that he was hammered and the zip was too small to be handed easily with such big fingers) in front of the toilet bowl.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just for a drunken kiss and a piss

Furious knocks at his door woke general Hux up from his nap (he has fallen asleep on a pile of papers, after having slept less than three hours in four days) making him curse under his breath.

It was something like 1 am, why couldn't whoever it was simply call him on the comlink? Was it a matter of life or death? Was it something that required to be told in person?

When he swooshed the door open, it revealed a tall and dark haired fella, who was supporting his broad body against the durasteel wall, like he was on the verge of falling to the ground.

Hux furrowed his brows. He had never seen him before.

“Yes?”, he sharply spat.

The tall man spoke with a pleasant baritone voice.

“Hux! I was looking for you!”

His breath smelled like too many drinks and toothpaste.

It was clear that he was completely hammered and, suddenly, Hux figured out who he was.

“Ren? Kylo Ren?”, he stumbled.

“Of course, who else am I supposed to be?”

The general groaned.

How did that fucking idiot expect him to recognize who he was? No one, including Hux, has never had the pleasure of seeing him without his mask on before.

“Yes, of course”, he hissed.

“Exactly! Good! Two words?”

“Do you mean...coming in and talk?”

“Yes. It's a confidential thing.”

Hux let out an annoyed sound, something between an exasperated sigh and a frustrated grunt.

“It'd better be important, or I'd chop your head off and use it like a trash bin.”

Kylo Ren really looked less threatening, without his mask and dark robes on.

Hux supposed that a pair of tight and dirty trousers with a old undershirt that had surely seen better times was his casual outfit, alongside the lack of that stupid bucket of his to hide his face.

His eyes were dark and bright, his nose sharp and prominent, his mouth wide and his lips plump and rosy.

He seemed not to be disfigured, as Hux used to think: according to his point of view, only people with freakish features were in need to hide themselves behind a mask.

“Fuck, Hux, I need to pee.”

The general gritted his teeth.

“I don't give a damn, Ren. You're not pissing in my bathroom.”

“Just relax! I may have had one too many drinks, but I still know how to flush the toilet!”

“Don't you dare---!”

Too late.

Kylo Ren was already unzipping his pants (he was having a hard time, given that he was hammered and the zip was too small to be handed easily with such big fingers) in front of the toilet bowl.

Hux pinched the bridge of his nose to prevent a stream of insults to come out of his mouth.

That fucking asshole. That fucking insubordinate child who got drunk and abruptly interrupted his well deserved rest.

When Ren was done with the bathroom (that he left without bothering to wash his hands, apparently) the general was waiting for him in the living room, an empty shot of scotch in his left hand.

“Let's get this thing done. What did you come here to say?”

Kylo sighed heavily.

“I came here to say that I'm getting tired of you, general.”

Hux rolled his eyes, eager to wrap his hands around his thin neck and strangle him, getting rid of his annoying presence once and for good.

Instead of following his gut, however, he forced himself to sound calm.

“Well, yes, good to know. If that's it, I'd gladly go to bed.”

Kylo Ren's drunk and impossibly soulful eyes widened.

“No! There's another thing!”

“So, for fuck's sake, say it!”

The knight's lips suddenly slapped against Hux's, teeth crashing painfully and a sloppy tongue trying to make his way between the general's almost parted lips.

Hux was so petrified he didn't do anything to stop it.

Actually, he found himself tangling his fingers in Ren's messy hair (wondering how in the hell he could keep them so soft) and maybe enjoying whatever was happening between them.

They parted only when their lungs were burning from oxygen starvation.

Panting to regain control over his ragged breath, Kylo muttered something like “That's it, I said it.”

Hux had a confused look on his freckled and flushed face.

“Let me see. You stole a solid hour of my precious sleep time just for a drunken kiss and a piss?”

“Yes, I think so.”

The general clenched his fists, barely able to control the wave of feelings building up in his guts.

“Go fuck yourself, Ren!”, he finally yelled.

He though it was the best choice.

His other option was to punch him in the face and force him to ride his cock like a cheap whore from a second-tier brothel.

Hux was a wise man, after all.

 

 

 

 


End file.
